


bone breaking cold

by tonystarktrash



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Parent Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark-centric, i would say that i'm sorry about this but i needed to get it out of my head so i can process endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18610921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarktrash/pseuds/tonystarktrash
Summary: He feels cold, shuddering as the chill sets into his bones – so cold that he swears each cell in his body is breaking in half. It’s excruciating, and air leaves his lungs in a rush, just as Thanos fades into dust in front of him. Oh God. He’s gone.





	bone breaking cold

Tony doesn’t feel the burn at first. His eyes, still stinging from the overwhelming brightness that had emanated from his own hand after the snap, focus intensely on what is going on around them. _To think, I mowed this lawn once_. The bloody fingers of his left hand brush over the soil, not a single blade of grass to be found. _This can’t be Earth anymore. It’s Titan. I’m back on Titan._ And yet, Thanos’ army is turning to ash before them – but Thanos himself… The pain sets in as Thanos slowly sits down on the ground, seemingly unfazed – certainly not turning to ash like every other goddamn nightmare that had made a surprise visit to the compound. _I’ve failed._ The burn starts to set in then, the feeling of his own skin soldering to the armor that had, despite its best efforts, been unable to withstand the force of the Infinity Stones. _A suit of armor around the world. I’ve failed. Thanos is still alive. I’m going to die, and he’s going to live. I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough…_

He feels cold, shuddering as the chill sets into his bones – so cold that he swears each cell in his body is breaking in half. It’s excruciating, and air leaves his lungs in a rush, just as Thanos fades into dust in front of him. _Oh God. He’s gone._

Rhodey is in front of him now, and Rhodey’s crying. _What’s wrong, platypus?_ But Tony can’t speak, can’t reach out and wipe the tears away. He’s frozen, and it’s infuriating – and terrifying. Just like that, he’s back on his couch in Malibu, able to smell the scotch on Obadiah’s breath and unable to get away. He’s paralyzed, and - _Christ it **hurts**_. Tears burn their way down his cheeks, stinging against the ruined flesh that’s spreading, spreading, spreading….

_Peter. Oh God, the kid. He’s back. He’s back and I’m going – and I can’t… I can’t tell him how proud I am of him. I can’t tell him anything._

“We won, Mr. Stark,” and Peter is crying now, touching Tony gingerly as if he’s afraid he’ll crumble under his fingertips. Tony’s eyes slowly track just over Peter’s shoulder, everything feels like it’s submerged – _I’m swimming in Jello. Can’t breathe, either. I’m drowning, I’m in that fucking cave, and they have me again. Except this time I can’t get out. This time the bomb blew, and I was too close. I can’t fix this._ Pepper is there, kneeling in front of him, Pepper is always there.

“Hi Pep,” Tony chokes out with every last bit of energy he’s got, blood trickling down his chin, and he knows that was it. Those were his last words, he has nothing left to give.

_I’ve not done enough. **I have more to give.** I have to have more to give. I know I can be better. Please, let this not be the end, please God, let it not be the end. I’ll do anything you want. I can’t leave them behind. I can’t leave Morgan behind, she’s my daughter. I have so much more to show her. I did this for her, for Pepper. This can’t be it. I promise I have so much more to do. _

Don’t waste your life. _Yinsen, I’ve not wasted it –please, I have so much more. I know I do. I’m the futurist._ This isn’t real, the heat and the cold all at once, like in Siberia as the shield had smashed down into his chest, driving frigid glass into his weak flesh. Runnels of hot blood soaking into the concrete. Each breath is labored, his lungs struggling to expand, struggling to deflate, struggling to work. Everything is struggling, his thoughts are hazy, desperate, angry, resigned – all at once.

“We’ll be okay,” Pepper says softly, speaking only to him. “Look at me, Tony.”

She’s all he sees, all he’s ever seen. Brown eyes meet green and there he is. There he is in that ballroom, his calloused hands resting against the bare skin of Virginia Potts’ lower back – and sure, everyone is looking at them. Why wouldn’t they be looking at them – at her? She’s phenomenal, astounding, a breathtaking vision in blue. There they are, on that rooftop, so close to kissing that her breath puffs warmth across his lips. There they are sharing their first kiss, there they are lying in bed together, dizzy and mirthful in the afterglow of lovemaking. There they are, Pepper holding him close and comforting him after yet another nightmare. There they are on their wedding day – a quiet affair, the ghosts of those they’ve lost standing with them at the altar. There they are, Pepper holding a hammer as Tony sets another heavy log of wood in place – they had built their lake house by themselves, board by board. There they are on the day Morgan was born, Pepper exhausted but clutching their daughter to her chest with such fierce love that Tony is breathless with the force of it. No one will take her away from them. _I love you 3000. More than that, I love you to infinity and back. I did this for you. For you and your mother. And I’m sorry that I’ll miss scaring the shit out of your first date, I’m sorry that I’ll miss your 18th birthday. I’m so sorry about everything. But I’m not sorry that we had you. I’m not sorry that I risked everything for you._

“You can rest.” _I want to, Pep. I just want to close my eyes, just for a second._ His hand lifts from the dirt, resting over hers where it sits on his arc reactor. She’s so warm, and he feels so cold. So cold. Had it been this cold the night his parents had been murdered? What had his mother been thinking about? _She’d been thinking about me. Just like I’m thinking about Morgan. Morgan._ Tony’s lips part, and he wants to speak so badly, wants to spill every last secret he has to Pepper. Whatever’s left to tell her. His last confession. The cold is seeping up his jaw, and Tony’s brown eyes widen in fear for the briefest of moments before he relaxes. It’s her. It’s always been her.

_Pepper._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


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